Okay, so that was a bit of a teaser title.  My wife and I took our 7 kids to the movies on Sunday afternoon and we saw Kung-fu Panda.  It was a really funny movie and the whole family had a blast.  I don’t think I’ve laughed out loud in a theater like that in a long time.  The story was fun and the animation was great.  I couldn’t believe the amount of action and the “matrix-esque” slow motion scenes were perfect.  The kids are already quoting lines and acting out different scenes…it’s pretty funny.

There were, however, some poignant scenes in the movie, and there were two of them that really stood out.  The first scene that struck me was at the beginning of the movie when the Panda “Po” is having dreams of being a Kung-fu warrior when he is awakened by his father and told to get to work.  The father is a noodle vendor and he asks Po what he was dreaming about.  Po is embarrased to say Kung-fu so instead he says he was dreaming about noodles to appease his father. 

The father is so excited and consumed with his own desire to have Po take over the “family business” that he fails to notice Po’s sadness.  Even when Po attempts to tell his father that his dreams and ambitions line in other areas the father blindly pushes Po down the path of the family business.

How often do we as fathers do the same to our sons?  We tend to think that our sons are just like us and that we share the same interests and dreams.  Certainly there are instances where this is true, but more often than we would care to admit this is not the case.  Every young man is unique and has his own “map” of Aptitudes, temperment, personality and strengths.  Rather than projecting our interests and dreams onto our sons it is our responsibility to nurture them in their particular “bent” or Nature.  This is most difficult when our son’s core Nature is strong in an area that we are low in. 

If you find yourself struggling to “understand” your son, or you feel that he is resistant to your way of doing things (or seeing the world), then you should step back for a minute and try to understand where your son is coming from.  One good way to do this is to have both your son and yourself take the 3:9 Principle survey.  The personal Maps that are generated out of the survey will help you understand your son’s Core Nature and Core Aptitudes as well as your own.  You can then find Aptitudes you have in common and where your differences lie.  Believe me, this could be a life-changing event in your relationship.

The next scene that I found profound was a scene between the Master and his protege’ who has turned evil.  There is a scene where the two are in a final showdown and the Master says that he has failed the protege’.  It is at this time the protege’ reveals the depth of his anger and dissappointment - he says, “are you proud of me?  All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me”.  For an instant you see the two empathize with each other and connect…then just as quickly the anger overwhelms the protege’ and he lashes out in violence.   

Have you connected with your son and communicated to him how proud you are of him?  Maybe you haven’t done that recently, or even ever.  It is never to late to make that connection.  Often our differences are what keep us from coming together.

Recently I had a friend go through the 3:9 Principle.  After he had completed the survey and seen his Map he had a “eureka!” moment.  He has two sons, one with whom he readily connects and one which he has struggled to develop a relationship with.  After the survey he realized that he connected with the one some because they had very similar Maps, but the other son had a completely different Map result.  He acknowledged that he had been trying to connect with both sons in the same manner - where his Core Aptitudes were the strongest.

The reality of the situation is that to connect with others we have to adjust our communication and our behavior to meet them in their Aptitudes.  We must overcome our own fears and shortcomings and meet them in their comfort zone.  Just as my friend realized that connecting with his sons meant approaching each in a unique way, so it is true with all our relationships.

The first step is to take the 3:9 Principle survey and discover your own unique Map.  From there you can then develop strategies and plans for connecting to those around you - be it at work, home or in the community.